Let's Get Too Personal
The Realist Shit I EVER Wrote
April 30, 2020
April 30, 2020
What’s up Family!
It has been a minute since I have communicated with you all. I had to take my annual sabbatical. During this time I distance myself from work, social media, TV, propaganda, and people. This year I attempted to learn more about myself. It is difficult to allow others to understand you if you really truly do not know yourself.
It is also difficult if you refuse to share layers of your life. In addition to capturing a much-needed peace-of-mind break, I discovered and took several online Personality Quizzes.
I am going to share the results of each of those exams because maybe they will help explain some of my quirkiness.
First, let me reveal some personal layers.
There were several circumstances that prompted me to seek the exams. One of the biggest factors stemmed from a question repeatedly asked throughout my adulthood.
“D why do you WANT to be a side piece! Don’t you want something more meaningful?”
My answer would go something like: “Nope! Some guys are interested in single women, but NOT me!” I prefer my women married, engaged, or “booed up”, but not single. I used to always say, “I like my women married & FREAKY!”
At any rate, I have reached the point where I am not willing to invest into what it would take to maintain a relationship with single women.
Why do I lack a desire for traditional meaningful monogamous relationships?
It is no secret that I think monogamy is bullshit! Out of approximately 5,000 species of mammal, only up to 5% have lifetime mates. (Otters, wolves, beavers, a few hoofed animals, some bats, and foxes.)
Just because most humans in lifelong relationships decide to suffer through the negative energy of dealing with each other for the rest of their days, I am NOT one of them. Whatever, I will discuss that another day.
I will say I am a STRONG believer in polyandry. Which is a form of polygamy in which a woman has two or more “husbands” at the same time.
In my head I believed these thoughts were embedded by the 5 years of the so-called tragedies of my childhood from the age of 5 –10.
It is no secret to some of you that I was molested and raped (insert whatever term they use in todays’ society) for 5 years by young teenaged ladies with nothing else better to do at the time I guess.
It all started with Sharon who was 17 years old at the time. My mom was 25 years old and hard working with two jobs. My big head, little body and bow-legged self was 5.
Sharon’s mom was deceased and her eldest sister being only 22 years old was the legal guardian of her 4 siblings. I do not remember her name or her brother’s who may have been 19 or 20.
However I do remember the sisters, Sharon, Donna age 15, and Bobbie age 13. These were my “baby sitters”. Several nights I had to stay over at their house. Sharon would wake me up in the middle of the night to take me to the bathroom. I guess her teenage hormones were raging and she needed to be satisfied.
Who knows her reasons? Not sure what pleasure she got from a terrified 5-year-old boy’s non-erected penis, but this happened on a few occasions. Because I did not comprehend what was happening to me and blocked it out of my head I never spoke about it as a child. However, as an adult I feel comfortable telling you these stories.
I just recently told my mom earlier this year during our far and few between phone conversations. I guess I never found the right time to tell her.
So, I brought it up randomly the last time we spoke. I am sure she is reading this as well as other family members.
Hi Mom! All I can say is brace yourself, a majority of these stories you have never heard.
Oh Well, Anyway, back to the story.
The next assailant was the daughter of one of my mom’s friends. All I remember is the mom driving to McDonalds and she left her daughter and me in the car.
Her daughter jumped right to it! It seemed like her mom was in that restaurant for 30 minutes! I had NO idea what her daughter was doing to me as she pulled up her skirt.
I was 6 years old at the time. I don’t remember the mom or her daughter’s name. I don’t recall being around them again. I think this is one of the factors which led to me HATING being left in the car with anyone.
I can only imagine if I voiced myself back then the way I do now. The driver would park and say, “You all stay right here I am only going in for a second.”
I could hear my reply if I was who I am today. “I don’t give a shit! I’m going in with you.” That’s funny to think about.
I won’t bore you to death with each assault, but I will share a couple more that I felt shaped my views of relationships and life.
Do you all remember this old school vintage electric football game?
What’s up Family!
It has been a minute since I have communicated with you all. I had to take my annual sabbatical. During this time I distance myself from work, social media, TV, propaganda, and people. This year I attempted to learn more about myself. It is difficult to allow others to understand you if you really truly do not know yourself.
It is also difficult if you refuse to share layers of your life. In addition to capturing a much-needed peace-of-mind break, I discovered and took several online Personality Quizzes.
I am going to share the results of each of those exams because maybe they will help explain some of my quirkiness.
First, let me reveal some personal layers.
There were several circumstances that prompted me to seek the exams. One of the biggest factors stemmed from a question repeatedly asked throughout my adulthood.
“D why do you WANT to be a side piece! Don’t you want something more meaningful?”
My answer would go something like: “Nope! Some guys are interested in single women, but NOT me!” I prefer my women married, engaged, or “booed up”, but not single. I used to always say, “I like my women married & FREAKY!”
At any rate, I have reached the point where I am not willing to invest into what it would take to maintain a relationship with single women.
Why do I lack a desire for traditional meaningful monogamous relationships?
It is no secret that I think monogamy is bullshit! Out of approximately 5,000 species of mammal, only up to 5% have lifetime mates. (Otters, wolves, beavers, a few hoofed animals, some bats, and foxes.)
Just because most humans in lifelong relationships decide to suffer through the negative energy of dealing with each other for the rest of their days, I am NOT one of them. Whatever, I will discuss that another day.
I will say I am a STRONG believer in polyandry. Which is a form of polygamy in which a woman has two or more “husbands” at the same time.
In my head I believed these thoughts were embedded by the 5 years of the so-called tragedies of my childhood from the age of 5 –10.
It is no secret to some of you that I was molested and raped (insert whatever term they use in todays’ society) for 5 years by young teenaged ladies with nothing else better to do at the time I guess.
It all started with Sharon who was 17 years old at the time. My mom was 25 years old and hard working with two jobs. My big head, little body and bow-legged self was 5.
Sharon’s mom was deceased and her eldest sister being only 22 years old was the legal guardian of her 4 siblings. I do not remember her name or her brother’s who may have been 19 or 20.
However I do remember the sisters, Sharon, Donna age 15, and Bobbie age 13. These were my “baby sitters”. Several nights I had to stay over at their house. Sharon would wake me up in the middle of the night to take me to the bathroom. I guess her teenage hormones were raging and she needed to be satisfied.
Who knows her reasons? Not sure what pleasure she got from a terrified 5-year-old boy’s non-erected penis, but this happened on a few occasions. Because I did not comprehend what was happening to me and blocked it out of my head I never spoke about it as a child. However, as an adult I feel comfortable telling you these stories.
I just recently told my mom earlier this year during our far and few between phone conversations. I guess I never found the right time to tell her.
So, I brought it up randomly the last time we spoke. I am sure she is reading this as well as other family members.
Hi Mom! All I can say is brace yourself, a majority of these stories you have never heard.
Oh Well, Anyway, back to the story.
The next assailant was the daughter of one of my mom’s friends. All I remember is the mom driving to McDonalds and she left her daughter and me in the car.
Her daughter jumped right to it! It seemed like her mom was in that restaurant for 30 minutes! I had NO idea what her daughter was doing to me as she pulled up her skirt.
I was 6 years old at the time. I don’t remember the mom or her daughter’s name. I don’t recall being around them again. I think this is one of the factors which led to me HATING being left in the car with anyone.
I can only imagine if I voiced myself back then the way I do now. The driver would park and say, “You all stay right here I am only going in for a second.”
I could hear my reply if I was who I am today. “I don’t give a shit! I’m going in with you.” That’s funny to think about.
I won’t bore you to death with each assault, but I will share a couple more that I felt shaped my views of relationships and life.
Do you all remember this old school vintage electric football game?
This game was my favorite! Although I did not own one, I would play for hours if some rich kid had one. I believed the kid was rich if they owned that football game. Well I found out “rich” kids can be very mean and cruel at times.
So let’s jump to when I was seven.
I had to spend the night across the street at the neighbor's Mrs. Hudson’s house. She had three kids. Her eldest son Donald was around my mom’s age. Ashley, I think that was her name, I don’t really remember, but she was the youngest. The middle child was a punk ass wannabe bully named Michael Hudson who was twice my age!
That night this mofo pulls out his dick and tells me I have to lick his dick if I want to play with his electric football game. I was only seven and I REFUSED to put my tongue on his dick!
Well, I did not get to play the football game that night. Matter fact, I never asked to play at their house ever again!
I don’t recall ever playing that football game again. I only knew two people who owned one, my uncle and Michael’s dumb ass.
Funny thing is, years later when I was around 17 I randomly met his then wife. I did not know it was his wife when I met her. I soon found out as she talked about her two boys and her firefighter husband Michael Hudson.
I said “MICHAEL HUDSON?” She showed me a photo of him in a ceremonial uniform. This is the mofo that lived across the street from me when we were kids!
It gave me GREAT pleasure to sleep with her. Pay back a bitch you mofo! Even though he never found out, I believe justice was served.
This bitch ass mofo tried to get me to lick his damn dick! GTFOH! It was only right that I ended up sexing his wife.
However, one could say that his wife molested me.
She was in her late twenties and I was 17, but I was a WILLING participant!
Most of my relations from the age of 16 – 19 were with women 10 to 25 years older than me. Each engagement during that 3-year span was consensual, EXCEPT for one.
Portia Page was a young lady I “dated” while her boyfriend was away in the army. After a few months I decided to leave the situation because I no longer wanted to “date” her.
She was good friends with one of my colleagues, Jemelda who lived in the neighborhood.
One day out of the blue I was asked to come over. Jemelda said they were playing a game inside and I needed to be blindfolded before entering the room.
So I was blindfolded and led into the back bedroom on the left. She sat me in a chair, handcuffed my hands with some kinky cuffs behind my back around the chair.
She then placed a jump rope around my chest. I began to get excited because I heard another female laughing and assisting her as they rubbed on my chest and young man parts.
She removed the blindfold and there stood Portia Page!
Disappointedly I said, “WTF are you doing here!”
She said, “I am going to GET YOU!”
Jemelda walked out of the room. Portia took the blindfold, which was a bandana and tied it around my mouth. While I was tied to the chair I attempted to fight her off me with my hands tied behind me.
She eventually pulled my grey Macgregor sweatpants halfway down and hopped on top of me. She rode me as I fought her. I refused to have an orgasm! She eventually finished and left me cuffed in the room.
Jemelda came and uncuffed me after Portia was long gone.
The next day Portia called me and told me she was pregnant!
WTF! I rushed over to tell my boy Ron Washington what happened.
He was like it’s NO WAY she is pregnant! She even called my mom to tell her that she was carrying my baby!
Turned out she was lying. Dumb B!
Anyway, that rape experience led to me always-carrying condoms!
My motto was No glove? NO LOVE!
Also I don’t play that cuffing my hands shit, nor am I a fan of my chest being rubbed.
OKAY OKAY, Let’s get back to the subject at hand.
Last childhood situation I want to share.
I was nine years old.
Remember Sharon from earlier in the story?
I am sure she never spoke about what she did to me 4 years previously; it would be hard to imagine her confessing to those activities.
Her youngest sister Bobbie who was now 17 years old, the same age Sharon was when she took advantage of my childhood.
One day she told me to come to her bedroom to take a nap. She had a small twin size bed. The headboard was against one wall and one side of the bed was pushed against another wall.
So the only way you could get in or out of the bed is from one side or the foot of the bed.
I remember her placing me in the bed but there wasn’t any sleeping happening. Again I had NO CLUE what she was doing to me! The only thing I really remember afterwards was going downstairs to play records on the stereo.
Although I was scared as shit in her bedroom, I was calm when she walked in while I was playing music. I gave her a look like I will beat you up if you touch me. She never touched me again.
Everyone knows I have a strong love for music. It fuels my strength, removes negative energy, and brings “Happy Feelings”.
(After writing that line, I took a small break to sing the original version by Maze).
I include music in my daily rituals. Someone can say a word or phrase and it will make me think of a lyric from a song.
For example, writing about music is making me think about these lyrics,
“Music is my heart & soul, more precious than gold.”
–Marvin Gaye.
Although Bobbie never touches me again, she was not the last female to ever warp my childhood with their sexual ambiguities.
I don’t feel overly traumatized by these occurrences.
I always joked and said, “At least they were all women. I would be really fucked up if a man had touched me.”
So in the mist of that darkness, I still see the brighter side of those situations.
My mom and I do not have a close relationship simply because of me. After leaving as a teenager I never came back around.
Before you knew it, decades had passed by.
I do not blame her for none of those things that happened, but now she understands why I preferred to live with my grandmother when I was a child.
While living with my grandmother she had company daily and hosted house parties EVERY weekend!
I wasn’t around kids or fast-ass little teenage girls.
I was around adults.
Strange as it may sound, they treated me as a peer.
It wasn’t a lot of hugging, kissing, or picking me up.
They partied, smoked and drank while I mingled throughout the house occasionally stopping to pose for a photo while wearing my PJs.
So let’s jump to when I was seven.
I had to spend the night across the street at the neighbor's Mrs. Hudson’s house. She had three kids. Her eldest son Donald was around my mom’s age. Ashley, I think that was her name, I don’t really remember, but she was the youngest. The middle child was a punk ass wannabe bully named Michael Hudson who was twice my age!
That night this mofo pulls out his dick and tells me I have to lick his dick if I want to play with his electric football game. I was only seven and I REFUSED to put my tongue on his dick!
Well, I did not get to play the football game that night. Matter fact, I never asked to play at their house ever again!
I don’t recall ever playing that football game again. I only knew two people who owned one, my uncle and Michael’s dumb ass.
Funny thing is, years later when I was around 17 I randomly met his then wife. I did not know it was his wife when I met her. I soon found out as she talked about her two boys and her firefighter husband Michael Hudson.
I said “MICHAEL HUDSON?” She showed me a photo of him in a ceremonial uniform. This is the mofo that lived across the street from me when we were kids!
It gave me GREAT pleasure to sleep with her. Pay back a bitch you mofo! Even though he never found out, I believe justice was served.
This bitch ass mofo tried to get me to lick his damn dick! GTFOH! It was only right that I ended up sexing his wife.
However, one could say that his wife molested me.
She was in her late twenties and I was 17, but I was a WILLING participant!
Most of my relations from the age of 16 – 19 were with women 10 to 25 years older than me. Each engagement during that 3-year span was consensual, EXCEPT for one.
Portia Page was a young lady I “dated” while her boyfriend was away in the army. After a few months I decided to leave the situation because I no longer wanted to “date” her.
She was good friends with one of my colleagues, Jemelda who lived in the neighborhood.
One day out of the blue I was asked to come over. Jemelda said they were playing a game inside and I needed to be blindfolded before entering the room.
So I was blindfolded and led into the back bedroom on the left. She sat me in a chair, handcuffed my hands with some kinky cuffs behind my back around the chair.
She then placed a jump rope around my chest. I began to get excited because I heard another female laughing and assisting her as they rubbed on my chest and young man parts.
She removed the blindfold and there stood Portia Page!
Disappointedly I said, “WTF are you doing here!”
She said, “I am going to GET YOU!”
Jemelda walked out of the room. Portia took the blindfold, which was a bandana and tied it around my mouth. While I was tied to the chair I attempted to fight her off me with my hands tied behind me.
She eventually pulled my grey Macgregor sweatpants halfway down and hopped on top of me. She rode me as I fought her. I refused to have an orgasm! She eventually finished and left me cuffed in the room.
Jemelda came and uncuffed me after Portia was long gone.
The next day Portia called me and told me she was pregnant!
WTF! I rushed over to tell my boy Ron Washington what happened.
He was like it’s NO WAY she is pregnant! She even called my mom to tell her that she was carrying my baby!
Turned out she was lying. Dumb B!
Anyway, that rape experience led to me always-carrying condoms!
My motto was No glove? NO LOVE!
Also I don’t play that cuffing my hands shit, nor am I a fan of my chest being rubbed.
OKAY OKAY, Let’s get back to the subject at hand.
Last childhood situation I want to share.
I was nine years old.
Remember Sharon from earlier in the story?
I am sure she never spoke about what she did to me 4 years previously; it would be hard to imagine her confessing to those activities.
Her youngest sister Bobbie who was now 17 years old, the same age Sharon was when she took advantage of my childhood.
One day she told me to come to her bedroom to take a nap. She had a small twin size bed. The headboard was against one wall and one side of the bed was pushed against another wall.
So the only way you could get in or out of the bed is from one side or the foot of the bed.
I remember her placing me in the bed but there wasn’t any sleeping happening. Again I had NO CLUE what she was doing to me! The only thing I really remember afterwards was going downstairs to play records on the stereo.
Although I was scared as shit in her bedroom, I was calm when she walked in while I was playing music. I gave her a look like I will beat you up if you touch me. She never touched me again.
Everyone knows I have a strong love for music. It fuels my strength, removes negative energy, and brings “Happy Feelings”.
(After writing that line, I took a small break to sing the original version by Maze).
I include music in my daily rituals. Someone can say a word or phrase and it will make me think of a lyric from a song.
For example, writing about music is making me think about these lyrics,
“Music is my heart & soul, more precious than gold.”
–Marvin Gaye.
Although Bobbie never touches me again, she was not the last female to ever warp my childhood with their sexual ambiguities.
I don’t feel overly traumatized by these occurrences.
I always joked and said, “At least they were all women. I would be really fucked up if a man had touched me.”
So in the mist of that darkness, I still see the brighter side of those situations.
My mom and I do not have a close relationship simply because of me. After leaving as a teenager I never came back around.
Before you knew it, decades had passed by.
I do not blame her for none of those things that happened, but now she understands why I preferred to live with my grandmother when I was a child.
While living with my grandmother she had company daily and hosted house parties EVERY weekend!
I wasn’t around kids or fast-ass little teenage girls.
I was around adults.
Strange as it may sound, they treated me as a peer.
It wasn’t a lot of hugging, kissing, or picking me up.
They partied, smoked and drank while I mingled throughout the house occasionally stopping to pose for a photo while wearing my PJs.
As an adult I could see why my mother came to take me out of that environment. Nonetheless, after she took me away I experienced the things I explained in this story.
Regardless of how it seemed on the outside, as a child living with my partying grandmother, I felt safe.
(That's her wearing the white)
Anyway, I feel like all these incidents shaped my ideas of life, emotions or the absence thereof, my lone wolf habits, lack of consanguinity, and relationships.
Be that as it may, after taking these Personality Quizzes I discovered a clearer picture of what my personality traits consist of.
So here are the quizzes I took and the results of each.
I saved the 2 identified disorders for last in the summary.
You can click the buttons I provided if you would like to take any of the quizzes.
Regardless of how it seemed on the outside, as a child living with my partying grandmother, I felt safe.
(That's her wearing the white)
Anyway, I feel like all these incidents shaped my ideas of life, emotions or the absence thereof, my lone wolf habits, lack of consanguinity, and relationships.
Be that as it may, after taking these Personality Quizzes I discovered a clearer picture of what my personality traits consist of.
So here are the quizzes I took and the results of each.
I saved the 2 identified disorders for last in the summary.
You can click the buttons I provided if you would like to take any of the quizzes.
Summary
I have been identified with 2 personality disorders.
Thanks for taking time to learn more about me.
Hopefully this will help you all to understand me little better.
No complaints from me! Loving Life!
Nuff Luv
D
Thanks for taking time to learn more about me.
Hopefully this will help you all to understand me little better.
No complaints from me! Loving Life!
Nuff Luv
D
